"Go directly to hell, do not pass go, do not collect 200 souls..."

Clive Barker has always been one of my favourite authors, although I know his particular brand of gruesome ain't for everyone.  He has quite the library of fiction and film and you can tell he loves his fans because he is always featuring their artwork on his Facebook page.  And some of it is pretty cool, like a recent post about this wicked Hellraiser Monopoly board made by fan Brian Sharp.

Click to embiggen

If you've read The Hellbound Heart or seen Hellraiser, then check out the original post to see more of the awesome handmade Cenobite pieces.

A lovely little poem....

My dear sister is a writer in her off-time (although I don't know how she gets off-time with 4 kids and a full-time job!)  Lately she's been writing poems for a contest and she dedicated her latest to me.  It's a pantoum and she explains what that is in her original post . 

Once you've read the poem, I think you'll start to wonder about our family.  Thanks, Laura....

#9 - To Play the Classics
An honourable opponent,
She chose the thimble, I the shoe
She lived for the moment.
She rolled the dice, her roll was true,

She chose the thimble, I the shoe,
Thimble moving in a blur,
She rolled the dice, her roll was true,
The dice, they favoured her,

Thimble moving in a blur,
Properties collected,
The dice, they favoured her,
It was as I suspected.

Properties collected,
She played the banker, too
It was just as I suspected,
As her hotels and houses grew,

She played the banker, too,
I watched from my spot in jail,
As her hotels and houses grew,
Roll doubles; epic fail.

I watched from my spot in jail,
Gleeful, she grabbed Park Place,
Roll doubles; epic fail,
Smug grin upon her face.

Gleeful, she grabbed Park Place,
My heart sinking lower every roll,
Smug grin upon her face,
Her stack of money flush and whole,

My heart sinking lower every roll,
I slowly approached the blue,
Her stack of money flush and whole,
What was one to do?

I slowly approached the blue,
So close was I to losing.
What was one to do?
A final act of poorest choosing.

So close was I to losing,
I stood and tipped the table,
A final act of poorest choosing,
The legs must have been unstable.

I stood and tipped the table,
She knew what it really meant,
The legs must have been unstable,
For, I'm an honourable opponent,

- Laura F -

I can think of some better updates....

...that might actually improve the game. But go ahead, if you want, and take the Facebook poll. Decide the next Monopoly piece that you will eventually be able to throw across the room in anger and frustration.
 

Um, I kinda get the feeling you like Monopoly....

Hard to tell if this is a super-fan or an employee of Hasbro.  Definitely not the designer of the game because she's been gone for a long time.

Either way, I think I know which token this person plays the game with....

(Source)

To our American readers out there...

(From George Takei's excellent and hilarious Facebook page...)

I rest my case....

Headline:  Woman in custody after reportedly attacking man with knife while playing Monopoly

Need I say more?

Greed and gaming....

Check out this great little article Occupy Boardwalk: How Greed Changed Games in Collectors Weekly, and antiques and vintage blog.  In the latest post, Lisa Hix uses the current Occupy Wall Street protests as impetus to trace the moral degradation of gaming in early 20th century - leading, of course, to the greediest game of all, Monopoly:

And board games promoting virtue all but disappeared. Being calculating and ruthless was now the way to reach a game’s end goal—be that money, property, or a big promotion to the office on the corner.

My, how timely.   (Thanks to Mr. Brown for the great link.)

I just don't understand.....

Here's a trailer for 'Under The Boardwalk' the new documentary coming out about Monopoly.  It's actually been getting very good reviews. And you know, despite the title of this here blog, I really do believe to each his own.  If you can actually play Monopoly and play it strategically and enjoy the act of rolling and moving and rolling and moving and rolling and moving, then I say great.  All I ever felt when I played was the uncontrollable urge to flip the table and scream because I'd stupidly agreed to play this neverending game ONE MORE TIME and Lady Luck was yet again crapping directly down my throat. 

Not sure if I'll be able to watch this without scoffing uncontrollably the whole way through....

An apt description of Monopoly....

(Thanks to Tao of Gaming for the link....)

Dinosaur Comics, an online comic, nails this one on the head:

The object of Monopoly is to fully explore the sensations of boredom, sorrow and rage.  In this sense, EVERYONE's a winner, as it'll become clear in the first 30 minutes that you've lost, yet the game will grind on for hours and hours after that.  It is during this time that you will explore these emotions.  It is during this time that you will wonder what you did to deserve this. 

It is is during this time that you will begin to despise the Brothers Parker.

*snork*  I think I just sprayed coffee out my nose on the keyboard...

Not your mother's Monopoly....

The Geek is all abuzz over a certain Monopoly clone from the early 80s catered more to a demographic that I suppose I belong to.

I suppose the tacky stereotypes in Gay Monopoly would be pretty offensive if it hadn't been so obviously created by people were part of the club.  How can you tell?  Maybe it's the suggestive Tom of Finland artwork on the board.  Or maybe it's the fact that instead of The Parker Brothers, they called themselves The Parker Sisters.  Haha!  And the tokens crack me up, too...

  

Funniest comment on the Geek:

 Can merely looking at a boardgame make a person gay?

I can not speak to that particular matter. However, I do know that I played St. Petersburg once, and now all I do is bribe nobles, exploit the serfs, and finance opulent construction projects for the Czar. Then I merely saw a picture of Roads to Leningrad and felt inexorably compelled to lay siege to the city until the citizens resorted to cannibalism.

Don't get me started about the time I hovered my mouse over a religious website and became an omnipotent deity.

As always, games provide that often unnecessary reflection of real life...

Boardgame as fashion?

I really have nothing to say....

(Via People of Walmart...)

The death and life of Monopoly...

Seemed kind of appropriate to post a link to DiceHateMe.com's podcast on the death and life of Monopoly.   Just sayin'...

"But at least you'll discover there is life after Monopoly."

...from a cute little article on the super-awesome BoingBoing.net where the author name drops Settlers, Ticket to Ride, and Pandemic, amongst other games.  (Thanks, Michaela!)

How to remix your Christmas gaming...

One of the many joys of having a semi-regular readership of this here blog is that friends and readers (who really are just friends I haven't met yet) send you anything odd they find on the intertubes that is remotely boardgame-related.


Thanks to Michaela for mentioning this little tidbit!

In my never-ending quest to get people to play something, anything other than Monopoly, I wholly endorse this product without even looking at it.  The Boardgame Remix Kit is a set of 26 different games to play with pieces from Monopoly, Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, and Clue.  And if you're reading this right now and you own one of these, I expect you probably don't play your old copies anymore as you've realized what else is out there.  Okay, maybe occasionally Scrabble....

The set of remixes is available in PDF form, a set of rules cards, an Iphone app (of course!), and soon a good old-fashioned hardcover book.  Definitely worth a download if you find yourself spending this holiday at your relatives' place with nothing but their standard collection of drek.

(via Boing Boing)

'Tis the season...

Three seasonal items:

1)  Out of The Box Publishing, maker of the lovely '10 Days...' series of games is giving away games to needy kids.  All you have to do is go to there Facebook page and hit the Like button.  Pretty simple and some kid gets a game for Christmas.

2)  Love this.  Board Game Family has a great article about what games to give instead of the latest, dumbest version of Monopoly.  Did I mention I love this?

3)  I'm eyeing the chocolate versions of various classic board games like Scrabble and Clue.  Last year my sister gave me Monopoly which I was more than happy to consume.  I think I'll be passing these out to others this year.  It seems only appropriate.

Playing in the sand....

Thanks to Michaela for the pic...  Click to embiggen.

Will it ever stop?

Someone please kill me.

Oh Canada...

Alright, I think it's pretty clear how much I despise the game Monopoly (consider the title of the blog you are perusing...) And yet they STILL keep making new versions. Gah! Cat-opoly, Hockey-opoly, you name it, they've done it. What it makes me feel like playing is "Punch myself in the face"-opoly.

But you can't stop progress, right? (Or is that sales?) So against my better judgment, I direct you to the website for the upcoming Monopoly Canada Edition. They are deciding on the best Canadian cities to use and you can vote for your favourite Canadian city to be on the new board.

I've a feeling Toronto, Vancouver, and Ottawa will be on there but perhaps with enough votes you might see a Red Deer, a Brandon, or even my hometown of Prince George, British Columbia. Oh, the excitement is killing me.

The true "death" of Monopoly...

My particularly clever and witty sister sent us some interesting gifts this past holiday. One of them was Monopoly. At first, after opening it I was annoyed and thought, "You read my blog... You know how I feel about this game!"

Then I realized it was CHOCOLATE Monopoly. Awesome.

We consumed Park Place, Boardwalk, and the Reading Railroad a couple nights ago. So long, Monopoly. You were delicious.

Oh, the humanity!!! Please, no....

Looks like Ridley Scott, the director of such great films as Alien and Thelma & Louise, is planning to make a film based on the board game Monopoly. Supposedly Kirsten Dunst may sign up. Ugh. I wonder if it will be as long, boring, and awful as the board game....